| | I miss Daryl. I do. How can I not? I miss the way he used to hold me when we would lay down and rest. I miss all the good times and I even miss all the bad times. I miss the simple things, like when we would go to Fry's. This weekend was Anime Expo 2009 and if we were still together, we would have gone. It hurts that I am not going with Daryl this year.
I still love Daryl, too. How can I not? I shared my life with him for three and a half years. The impression that he has had on my life cannot be ignored. I have never changed more for someone I have loved in order for a relationship to work. Unfortunately, I did not change enough or rather, I allowed issues from past relationships to take hold of my relationship with Daryl. It was unfair and undeserved. Despite that, I was willing to make things work. I understood my mistakes and I was willing to rectify any wrong done.
But then I have to remember... Daryl was the one who broke up with me! He was the one who told me that he wanted to focus on his music. He did not want the responsibility of a relationship. He wanted to do what he wanted, when he wanted, and on his own terms. When I asked him when he might be ready for a relationship, he said not for a long time. He spent two hours telling me about all these things when I was begging for a chance at another shot. And after two hours of begging, pleading, and being rejected, I believed that he truly did not want the responsibility of a relationship.
Then I also have to consider the fact that Daryl got into another relationship not even two months after he broke up with me, and with the singer of his band no less. Nice way to focus on your music, create a conflict of interest, and incur the responsibility of a relationship.
Am I talking shit? Some would say yes, some would say no. In all fairness, I am taking exactly what was said and applying to exactly what was done. And in this case, the actions do not agree with the words. Am I upset? Yes. Am I hurt? Hell the fuck yes. Is there anything I can do about it? No.
Maybe when Daryl told me he did not want the responsibility of a relationship, he meant that he did not want the responsibility of our relationship. And maybe Daryl and I are two different people who were just not meant to be. There are so many "maybes" that are possible and rationalize the situation, but regardless of that, it still hurts.
Whatever... I just had to get some of this off my mind before I let it consume me. You know how it goes... |
| | Posted 7/4/2009 11:45 AM - 32 Views - 6 eProps - 5 comments
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You describe it very well!
Hang on lady, it's gonna be a wild ride.
-Mishy