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Mitsuye
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Name: Mitsuye
Country: United States
State: California
Gender: Female
Interests: Reading, going on motorcycle rides up the coast or to Azusa (or anywhere!), swimming, gymnastics, body piercings, Ford Mustangs, Guild Wars, World of Warcraft...
Occupation: Accounting Assistant/Reception
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  Mistress0Shirley
Member Since:
10/4/2002
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| Why doing the right thing hurts...For about a month, I have been seeing this guy about once a week. In the beginning, I made it clear that I did not want a relationship and I wanted to be single and not date. As it happened, he fell for me anyway and pursued me. It slowly starting bothering me because I knew in my heart of hearts that I did not want any sort of relationship with this guy. I mean, I like him. He is a good person, but not the person for me. I still love Daryl and I am not completely over the relationship.
It was my fault for dragging it on so long, but it all ended today. I told him straight out how I felt and that right now all I wanted was friendship. Unfortunately, he likes me too much for friendship to be possible because he would always want more from me. The good news is that no bad feelings were felt, but the bad news is that I am out of a friendship. I am sad because despite the fact that I did not want to date him, I found a lot of good qualities in him that I admired from a friendship perspective.
A friend once asked why doing the right thing was so hard and I replied back that it was because it was just that, the right thing. I did the right thing today and stayed true to myself instead of trying to do something that I was not completely comfortable with. That has to count for something, right?
On another completely different note... Last night was fucking awesome! I went to Echoplex with Ariel, Jocy, and Victor. It was reggae night. I had never experienced reggae before and I had the most amazing time. I danced to reggae music for three straight hours last night. On top of that, guess who showed up for a surprise performance? Sean Paul! They kept announcing his name throughout the night, but everyone thought they were just joking. However, he really did show up and he performed a couple songs! His accent is way thicker than I had in mind and he was awesome. I cannot convey with words how awesome my night was last night. I had the best time! | | |
| Torn ApartI miss Daryl. I do. How can I not? I miss the way he used to hold me when we would lay down and rest. I miss all the good times and I even miss all the bad times. I miss the simple things, like when we would go to Fry's. This weekend was Anime Expo 2009 and if we were still together, we would have gone. It hurts that I am not going with Daryl this year.
I still love Daryl, too. How can I not? I shared my life with him for three and a half years. The impression that he has had on my life cannot be ignored. I have never changed more for someone I have loved in order for a relationship to work. Unfortunately, I did not change enough or rather, I allowed issues from past relationships to take hold of my relationship with Daryl. It was unfair and undeserved. Despite that, I was willing to make things work. I understood my mistakes and I was willing to rectify any wrong done.
But then I have to remember... Daryl was the one who broke up with me! He was the one who told me that he wanted to focus on his music. He did not want the responsibility of a relationship. He wanted to do what he wanted, when he wanted, and on his own terms. When I asked him when he might be ready for a relationship, he said not for a long time. He spent two hours telling me about all these things when I was begging for a chance at another shot. And after two hours of begging, pleading, and being rejected, I believed that he truly did not want the responsibility of a relationship.
Then I also have to consider the fact that Daryl got into another relationship not even two months after he broke up with me, and with the singer of his band no less. Nice way to focus on your music, create a conflict of interest, and incur the responsibility of a relationship.
Am I talking shit? Some would say yes, some would say no. In all fairness, I am taking exactly what was said and applying to exactly what was done. And in this case, the actions do not agree with the words. Am I upset? Yes. Am I hurt? Hell the fuck yes. Is there anything I can do about it? No.
Maybe when Daryl told me he did not want the responsibility of a relationship, he meant that he did not want the responsibility of our relationship. And maybe Daryl and I are two different people who were just not meant to be. There are so many "maybes" that are possible and rationalize the situation, but regardless of that, it still hurts.
Whatever... I just had to get some of this off my mind before I let it consume me. You know how it goes... | | |
| Recently I have been a bit sad about Daryl. If I learned anything from our Japan trip, it's how the both of us has moved on and has not moved on. I am sad that Daryl moved on so quickly and has been in a relationship only a couple months after our break up. Some of it has to do with my love for Daryl while another part has to do with the fact that I have been in relationships for so long, but I could not give my heart to someone else right now.
I am having a hard time giving my time, mind, and some of my body to another person. I have to remind myself that I will not be getting into another relationship with this person whose name is Greg. I am too used to of getting into relationships with the people I date (Edgar, Julio, and Daryl), that I find myself in the mentality that we will get into a serious relationship. I have to remind myself that this is not the case. I do not want to get into another relationship at all. I am sad because Daryl has been able to do so, although I do see how that also conflicts him.
I am not implying that I want to get back with Daryl. I just have been thinking about all the things that made us great together and all the things that didn't make us so great. | | |
| Trip to JapanThe trip to Japan was awesome! Daryl and I had so much fun. We did a lot even though we were only there for a couple days. We went with one of Daryl's friends, Tomo.
We arrived to the Narita Airport in Japan on Friday evening. We took the subway to Ueno where we met Tomo's father and fiance for dinner. I had the best sashimi in my entire life there. The father ordered a lot of food for us and we spent a couple hours hanging out. I must admit that I was a bit homesick at that point. Haha. After dinner, the three of us went to Shinkujuku and walked around. I absolutely love walking around Shinjuku because there is so much to see. It was the early hours of Saturday morning and the subways were not running, so we did some karaoke for a couple hours.
When the subways were operating, we went back to Ueno so that Daryl and I could go to our hotel room and get ready. We spent the entire Saturday with Tomo going to different places. From my recollection we went to the following places:
- Shibuya: We went here to go shopping! Aside from Harajuku, this is one of the key fashion districts in Japan. I went to this mall called 109, which has about 9 floors of clothing stores just for women.
- Shinjuku: We came back here to do some shopping and look around.
- Akihabara: Everything was still closed when we visited on Saturday morning, but there was a lot to see.
- Meguro: This is where the concert for Versailles was held. We spent Saturday evening here for the concert. Versailles performed well and I really love their songs. It's interesting to go to a Japanese rock concert in Japan versus here in the United States. The crowds in both areas react to the music differently.
While in Japan, we took the subway everywhere. We stopped in a lot of other places that I cannot quite name at the moment. By Saturday night after the concert, the last time that Daryl and I had slept was Wednesday night back in the United States. Needless to say, we were exhausted! Tomo had to go to Kyoto to visit his grandparents, so the two of us found our way back from Meguro to Ueno where our hotel was and crashed out.
On Sunday, we spent the entire day with Tomo's father and fiance where they showed us around Tokyo. Before going to Tokyo, we went to Asakusa to eat lunch, do some shopping, and visit one of the most famous temples in Japan (the name eludes me!). We ate ramen and it was the best ever! I was able to find some goodies to bring back to my parents and for Jewel. From Asakusa, we took a boat cruise to Daiba. In Daiba, we walked around and visited Joyopolis, which is a huge entertainment center. From Daiba, we took the subway to Shiodome. There, we visited a mall and had some drinks in a sky bar overlooking Tokyo. After Shiodome, we went to Tsukishima where we had dinner. Sunday was my most favorite day out of the entire trip.
By Sunday evening, I was exhausted once again! I went back to the hotel to rest while Daryl and Tomo's father went to a hot springs. Monday was our last day, so we spent what little time we had in Shinjuku doing some last minute shopping. We took an express train to the Narita Airport and headed back to the United States.
I really love Japan. It's so clean and efficient! For instance, you have to stand on the left side of the escalator to allow people who want to walk right up to do so on the right side. There is no trash or graffiti at all. I was amazed that the subways were so clean. Over here, the subways are dirty and the trains have scratched windows and graffiti. Not in Japan! And everything is so green and infused with life! I absolutely love all the cities we visited, especially Shinjuku. There is so much to do. I really would like to go back and take the time to explore each city a bit more in depth. We were not able to do that because we were only there for a short amount of time.
I will not be posting pictures here because there are so many, but you may go to my myspace or facebook sites and look at them. | | |
| I'm a college graduate!Today I graduated with honors, magna cum laude, at California State University, Los Angeles with my Bachelor's of Science in Accounting. For my particular school, graduating magna cum laude meant that I was top 3% of my graduating class.
I would have not graduated on stage if it was not for my friend Jewel demanding that I do it. If it was not for her, I would not have had a proper graduation or celebration. I am thankful that she pushed me to walk the stage because it really finalized my academic tenure, so to speak, at CSULA. My parents, Craig (older brother), and Jewel attended my graduation. We just had a graduation lunch at BJ's, which Thao (Craig's girlfriend) and my other friend Ariel attended as well.
I kind of wish Daryl was able to attend my graduation. I never formally asked him to come and he actually had to attend his nephew's birthday today, but it would have been nice for him to see me graduate. Aside from my own family, Daryl and his own family knew second best on how much studying and effort I put into school. Daryl was there throughout my college experience witnessing (and coping) with all my academic stresses and accomplishes. I don't think anyone but him could understand how much I really put into doing well in school.
I look a bit tired as I am functioning off any sleep I got from Thursday night!
I did not sleep last night at all! I spent Friday afternoon and evening into Saturday morning at my friend's place. We swam in the pool and enjoyed the jacuzzi, played some Rock Band 2, made a Ralphs run for some food, attended a surprise birthday party for one of friends, and watched a movie.We did a lot!
Anyway, the whole concept that I am done with school has not really sunk in fully. I still feel like I have to do a group presentation, term paper, or something of that sort.
For now, I think a nap is in order! | | |
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